You kept calling me your small dog last night.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
