In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
