if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
