is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
