There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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