just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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