**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
