So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
