Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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