u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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