two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
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It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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