I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
