Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'

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(971): View more from Oregon

He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.

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(559): View more from California

The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.

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(514): View more from Quebec

Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake

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(760): View more from California

It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.

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(510): View more from California

I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.

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(614): View more from Ohio

You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water

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(908): View more from New Jersey

so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options

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