Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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