I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
