Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i love accidental penises.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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