me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
