Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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