using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
