why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
