Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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