I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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