Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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