then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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