That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
