You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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