hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
