Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
