it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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