I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
