I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
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All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Can I color on your dick again?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
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I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"