ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
