I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.