Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked