I think I won the penis lottery.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.