I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
