i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
