it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
