Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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