I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
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he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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