If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
