its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
