Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
