...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
