Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Four minutes until I can fart!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The Olympian is in my bed
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
