Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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