Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
