A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
