I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
