Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
