im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
