maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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