Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He better not be in your backpack
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
