omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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