considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I know her cup size but not her name....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
