So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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