new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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