when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
