She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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