Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
