I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
