i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
