Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
