I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
