Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize