Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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