Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You are a genius and a whore.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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