Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
