So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
