john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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