and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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