Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
