I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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