I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
