I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
