I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
