I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
