he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
