why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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