her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
