i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
where am i from again
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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