In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
