He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
