you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
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I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
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Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize