I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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